Why There’s An “I” in Your Team (and she’s exceptional)

As our identities change once motherhood rhythm takes hold, we adapt to this new suite of objectives. We are charged with fulfilling the unwritten but definitely vocalised goals of our children.

We take advice from our sisters who have trodden the path before us, knowing that each “age and stage” of our children will be different. Each will present fresh challenges for us, as a mother, as a woman, and as a human being.

Have you Become a Bystander (said as a former bystander)?

In these times, do we stop to consider our own “age and stage”?

Maybe one day we are sitting watching our kids taking part in their stuff. And the thought dawns on us that we have become a bystander, an observer, sitting on the sidelines.

I know we are counsellors, medics, and caregivers as well (I’m not taking that away from y’all). But we are not these things to ourselves. We forget to wash our hair, we forget our own style, we eat the dregs from the plates, and then we move on. And we maybe look up, and, for a moment, we are no longer subjective, so close we can’t view...

But, just briefly, we are objective observers of ourselves.

And in that moment, we say to the face in the mirror, “Where did you go?”.

I am not saying that we are grasping for our previous identity, or that we should. Having children has brought an irrevocable change to our inner map. And it is a beautiful, messy, depth of love and life that, I, for one, wouldn’t trade for anything, with anyone. And that is the truly sacred and beautiful thing of motherhood.

But once they start to go on their own path leading away from you, you still need to be the you that you want to be. With your own goals, and healthy habits, and self-development. This is not a post about what you sacrificed to be a mother. Far from it, it is about the next phase for you becoming your new altered self, which includes being a role model for your kids.

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Where did TEAM YOU go?

My friends, what did you do before motherhood, when you were a solo venturer? Back then, you had a support crew. And that support crew was you. But now she’s been so busy overseeing things that she’s forgotten how to be there for you.

I went very low for a time, not very long ago. A time when I felt my kids were no longer quite as in need of this superpower overseeing their lives (this, by the way, is completely ridiculous as, at this time of writing this, my kids are both under 10). But with years of semi-neglect of self, my inner support crew had buggered off to a nice little lily pad, and wasn’t for coming back. She kinda liked it there. It was warm, and the water was lovely, and she didn’t have to move.

And I really needed her. I needed her back.

What for?

To change me from the mum who was holding all the bags.

To remind me that I needed to put on my own lifejacket first.

To make me believe that I was present.

Do Just One Thing

And the first step was to do just one thing that was entirely my own. And that thing, ladies, was running.

And the only way to make that habit pattern stick, was for me to take a marathon route around my mind, and give it a good shoogle (for the uninitiated, that’s Scots for shake up). I had to stop at the aid station (metaphorically speaking) to pick up my support crew, and reignite my mind.

And, it worked. In fact, the only way it worked, was to really look, to go to the soft underbelly of what was holding me back.

It was only then, that transformation really took place.

Your Ultimate Support Crew Is... Guess who?

Being your own support crew is so powerful when you get it right. Because that’s the team that will be there for you when you need it in the wee small hours, or when something needs to progress, to grow, to change, to evolve.

- Imagine you could conquer your inner fears.

- Imagine you could live your best life.

- Imagine you could have your own superhero at your back.

And now realise, she was there all along. Sure, she might have taken a backseat. She might have taken the long way round. Heck, she might have forgotten to get in the car/on the plane/in her trainers.

Then, run back and get her. She’s ready.

And she tells you “You’re a warrior!”

And you say, “Hi, it’s amazing to see you! Let’s go!”

Jo