When I became a mother, from the get go I was there for all the things. I stopped working, and dived head first into being that mum. And it was glorious, and messy, and exhausting, and I am eternally grateful for it. I am not going to talk about what happened once that initial bubble changed (have a wee look at the blog for "I" in Your Team for more on that subject).

No, I want to talk about what happens when you are always there for your kids. And you know why? Because a lot of mothers struggle and agonise over the times when they couldn't/can’t be there for their kids. The mum guilt is strong.

But I'm here to tell you that when you are almost always there at their events etc, there will come a time when you can't be there. This happened to me last year. There was a school "stay and play" event that I didn't attend, because I had been to one not long beforehand.

Do you want to know what happened? My son was distraught. He cried at the window in school. He was looking for me. Because I was always there. And this time I wasn't. And he wasn't prepared. And then I cried too.

It was a lesson.

I needed to manage my kids expectations, and those I had placed on myself. Whether you are always there, mostly there, occasionally there, regardless of the situation, it is a tightrope of emotions.

And the same applies when you begin to put yourself first. If you are weighed down by guilt, remember this, once you begin to put yourself, and your running, first, you give your kids different expectations. Right?

So, you are going to go out for a run. And that’s ok. My kids were used to me being there to support. But, in so doing, I had become a bystander to my own living. And the more I made running a priority habit, and said to the kids I was “going for a run”, they began to accept I had things to do that were my own, too.

In short, our kids need to see us as ourselves, too. It took a long time for me to realise that they didn’t just need to see me as there to support them. They didn’t realise I had my own interests, and so couldn’t really see me. Once I changed that, and they watched, they realised.

These steps (and changed perspective) enable you to change from being a bystander to a role model. My son runs with me every week now, and that’s expectation goal setting that I can get behind.

Interested in more of this? Sign up for 7 Days of Wellbeing Starter Kit emails (which is packed full of healthy habits and how to make them stick) I’d love to see you over there.

Jo

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