Moments of vulnerability can happen suddenly, that challenge the essence of who we are. Brené Brown, renowned for her insights into courage and vulnerability, has a powerful metaphor that resonates deeply – the "candle blower outer." This metaphor captures the essence of those who try to dim our light, to make us doubt the beauty of our uniqueness. In a heartfelt personal account, a mother shares her son's encounter with a candle blower outer on his first day of school, emphasizing the profound impact such moments can have on our spirit.

The Bun: Beware of the candle blower outer

When my son went into school for his first day he was wearing his hair up in a small bun at the back. He was 5 and he thought it was fun. On that day another child told him it looked stupid and girly.

He has never worn that bun again. I was there when this happened. And I couldn't take these words away, or the crestfallen expression on my son's beautiful, innocent, wee face as that person tried to blow out his candle.

I have used this from Brené Brown with my kids. I am many things as a mother, sometimes I get it all awry. But as a mother here's what I stand for, to be the most enthusiastic, to see the best in others, to be their biggest cheerleader. And I am all those things, and I am about helping to protect their flames so they can be those things for themselves.

But, you know what, girlfriends... This is a lesson beyond childhood. We can reflect on encounters with "candle blower outers" in our own lives. How many times have we allowed external judgments or criticisms to flicker our flames? The truth is, it happens to all of us. Life brings moments of overwhelming pressure, exhaustion, and anxiety, where our flames seem on the verge of extinguishing.

How many times have you met a Candle Blower Outer?

How many times have you let your flame flicker from those moments with others?

This lesson is for us all:

• When you are overwhelmed.

• When you are exhausted.

• When your anxiety seems to be running the show.

Find those that will protect your flame.

And the best person of all, hands down, to do this the BEST, is you.

Being Your Own Flame Protector

Your best Protector of the Flame is you.

Once you own this, forever it will dominate your destiny (sorry, we just watched Star Wars on the weekend with the kids, so, thank you, Yoda). The power to guard our flame lies within us, waiting to be recognized and harnessed.

If you are thinking, yes, sister, I hear you, but I still feel stuck, I'm here to lead your cheerleader squad.

In the grand symphony of life, where challenges and criticisms may try to dim our unique light, Brené Brown's metaphor of the "candle blower outer" becomes a call to action. It prompts us to be vigilant about protecting our flames and, equally important, to empower others to do the same. Whether as parents, friends, or self-advocates, we all play a role in preserving the beauty of individuality. So, as we navigate the complexities of life, let us remember to be our own best flame protectors and, when needed, lend a hand in shielding the flames of those around us.