Not all people live a life where they can drop everything to start a brand new routine, because it just won’t fit around the life that they are already living. But what if I told you that your well being can be transformed without booking yourself on a wellness retreat? That you can have daily wins, with some real self care ideas.

habits are not created, they are built upon

The 4 Key Points

Even if you’re feeling deflated, think about how much you’ve actually achieved, and how you’re made great gains in your life. You’re here and you have the knowledge, and a great ability to make it sustainable. You just need to believe in team you, have compassion for yourself - yes, I’m saying self-care (only using it for the search engines as that term makes me feel a little icky), self-love, all about you right here, and right now, and press play. Is it time you had some love for yourself?

What is the secret of women with successful wellbeing habits?

I went from living a life fully immersed in work, moving around, and walking my dogs, into being fully immersed in parenthood, and you know what?  I forgot to look up for many years. And I forgot to do some of the things that were my own. And the more I forgot, the harder it was to get myself back to healthy routines, self-care, or any regular self-based stuff. I got to the point that I was watching from the side-lines, feeling low, stressed, experiencing high anxiety, and trying to make it better, repeatedly, without success.

Enough was enough. I got to this point where I stopped to ask myself, what clues did I need to make this work? What was I missing that would help me to get back on track?

I wanted to know how all the other women did it, apparently with such ease. And then, I wanted to know, once I learned their secret, what could I share with other women who also felt a bit lost, as I did?

And what I discovered was this… Not everyone had it together, and not everyone wanted what was out there, on offer, to help them. Because not everyone’s best life is for everyone! Phewf. The revelation - It’s not just me then. I am not alone.

Here’s the overwhelming thing other women said to me…  “I just keep restarting things that don’t really fit”. And the main reason they didn’t feel good right now? They didn’t have the time or the energy to make the time for taking care of themselves.

1. Wellbeing habits need to work with your current lifestyle - and not work against it

For some of us, we want simply to start by our feet, and get a kind of, “if it fits, it sits” model. We want to create a set of good habits that will last, but also, that will happily sway and bend with us as we journey along through our lives, much like a beautiful meandering river. There needs to be a symbiosis between your wellbeing goals and your actual life. Not all habits can be built from a one size fits all app, with a billion options. Because, as we know, that leads to the cue rabbit in headlights giant overwhelm moment.

And not all people live a life where they can drop everything to start a brand new routine which doesn’t fit around the life that you are already living in. You know? The one you built, the one you treasure, but the one that also sometimes leaves you feeling a bit adrift and in an unhealthy heap on the sofa at 11pm, flicking through your phone?

And here’s what this led me to… and it comes from something my husband often quotes; a phrase from an old Irish joke, when someone stopped and asked a man for directions, the fella responded, “I wouldn’t start from here”.

So where do we start from, then, my friends?

Well, here’s where we begin…  

2. Small wins (are actually a devilishly underrated foundation for success)

From the get go we need to under promise and overdeliver to ourselves. Yes, as human beings we seek those tick boxes. It’s where all goals come from. So, start small, and take just 15 minutes to achieve something just for you in a day. You might not get it every day right away, but these small moments begin to build a routine.

Successful habits work when they become something you are, not something you do. And that happens when they become second nature, that you do without having to set time aside that doesn’t belong in your daily timetable. And the easiest way to do that, is to start small, and built consistent moments. And, over time, your brain absorbs them into your whole personality.

3. Move yourself up your priority list & don’t compare yourself to others

Sometimes, even unintentionally, we try to outdo one another with how much selfless efforts and sacrifices we make. It is almost like a competition. I know, I’m guilty of this, too, with the occasional, “it’s been, like, 12 years since I had a date with my husband” etc etc. Righty, tough love time with the best intentions, there is no leader board for who is spending the most time making the most sacrifices here, my wonderful chums on ‘tinternet. We are all working hard for our families, our jobs, our relationships. And, at times, we are all making mistakes across all these areas. Some people have a ton of support in their lives, and others have diddly squat. The only thing worth telling yourself is that you matter, you are enough, and it’s entirely right to prioritise time to be a living human being with things that make you feel nourished and fulfilled.

4. Get in the arena with the doubters

This is what might be holding you back. And you might need to liberate yourself. I know I did. A beautifully wise friend of mine recently shared this immensely powerful talk from Brené Brown, about making sure you get into the arena, even when you feel the fear of judgment or criticism from people (this could be people you know/people you don’t know/heck, it could be anybody). Brené encourages us to reserve a seat for these people. You know they will be there, but don’t that fear hold you back. Here’s a bit I particularly love from her talk, where she says the only people that should be able to offer constructive feedback are the ones who are also willing to get in the arena.

So, this is worth remembering when you are worried about what people will think of you when you decide to go out for a run/wild swim in your underwear/or anything where you have to stick your head above the parapet. My friend knew I needed to hear this, and this speech came at just the right time. I spend more time online than I used to, and I find visibility a real challenge. It brings out all sorts of negative doubts in me. But the counterbalance is this… if I don’t do this, then I might miss helping some folks who really like the cut of my jib. And that would be a shame, indeed. To quote another yet wonder woman, Susan Jeffers, “feel the fear and do it anyway”.

Takeaway

My point is (not to give everyone a hard time, I promise), we must spend the moments to make “self-nourishing” time for ourselves. Not because we are overtired, overworked, overwhelmed, overstretched (hmm, should I stop with the overpowering words beginning with the letter ‘o’ now?). But because we are human. And we need to take a breath, and take that 15 minutes a day, and get on with the journey to a better way to live the life that we want. As to paraphrase the brilliant Mel Robbins, don’t wait for someone else to give you permission, you give yourself permission.

I like to think of it this way, we need to start treating ourselves the way we treat our kiddos. With the utmost of care, patience, and some well placed habit forming advice. What would we say to them, “As long as you’re happy, then that’s all I want for you”. Then let’s take our own advice, and find our place of happy/content/fulfillment/nourishment/fill as it comes to your mind.

And that starts with 15 minutes in your day. And that can start today.